my Uncle Dave passed away Friday.  and in his true spirit he told those around him as the time came that there were to be “no tears, only partying.”  that’s the way of the young at heart.  he was a good man, with a kind heart that you could just feel when you were around him and when i think of him the first three things i think of are: his accent (nothing like the PA accent and how he would say Maaaag), his beard, and how he always had a smile on.  

  my family is taking it pretty hard because he grew up like a brother to my mom and lived with my mom and dad in california when they were in their hay days.  we haven’t been back to the PA in some time because of the pull of too much work and not enough leisure time… which makes the situation harder to deal with.

  it truly touched my heart when my ma told me that Uncle Dave will be in perfect Vickers fashion: in his Steelers gear.  i believe this is exactly the best way to celebrate the person that he was and it’s what he wanted.  my ma took all the jerseys that we have so that everyone would arrive with the right attitude. 

  my brother, chris, and i went to the Steelers bar today and took in the love with all of the other fans and from time to time i teared up, but knew that’s not what he wanted so i put them away and grinned at the big screen.  Mike Merriweather was actually in the bar as well, which let me know, since we couldn’t be in PA, we were where we were supposed to be.  

  i’ll be sporting the black and gold tomorrow as that is the day that his wake will be.  Uncle Dave, I know that the family is partying crazy in the ol’ PA and we are all heart broken that you have moved past this place.  i apologize for the tears shed but you meant so much to us all.  the stories will live on and so will the spirit that you instilled in us all… Rest in Peace εϊз

ooo my goodness, how the tears just melted to the edge of my eyes… Minnesota Chistopher will not be going to fashion week with Project Runway… his last speech just made me so proud to be one of his fans…

he talked about the fact that while all the other designers found beauty in the fine art work hanging on the walls and the structures around them, that he had been captivated by the rock fountain and the algae growing on the rocks where the water touched… and how that he was more true to himself in this challenge than any other for his simple fact that he is out on his usual limb by himself…

i ate it all up, thinking to myself no wonder i’m drawn to this designer he loves the simple unnoticed things that others may see as bothersome and ugly… just like moi…

what a doll of a man, he was amazing and i would let him design my whole closet if he would and i could afford it

Make it Work εϊз

I went to Michael Jackson’s opening night of: “This is It” and I just felt so privileged to see a man, perfectionist, and passionate performer at work.  Nothing I write can pull the emotions out of my gut, but I want to try and capture it for the memories any way.

I was first caught of guard by the lack of people in the theatre.  Yes it was a Tuesday night at 11:00 pm, but this was an inside glimpse at greatness that you don’t see ever and I just couldn’t understand why there were only like 25 people filling the seats.  I thought we were all going to cheer and clap and shed tears together as a huge crowd of one, but we did so with a lot more space between us.

I felt connected to him instantly and yet, had no right to feel so.  He knows every detail about every single thing that concerns his art.  He know how to articulate with visions that may not make sense to those without an imagination… like when he talked about how the keyboard needed to be played: “it needs to feel like you’re getting outta bed.”  With just the extra perfect touch he knew what the audience wanted, “they want to hear the record, that’s what they want.”  So nothing could be out of place and he worked so nothing was.

A brillant and peaceful man.  I was completely sucked into his world, because he just really does have this magic about making people feel included and respected for their work.  I couldn’t take everything deep enough within me.  I was examining his clothing, socks, hair, articulate movements of the torso, the way his teeth were perfect when he smiled, the clear water droplet sound that was his voice ringing out to us and how what he did affected the people around him.

What lucky people to work with Michael, whoms talents really are unprecedented.  He was truly the light that made his swarovski crystals shine and I just kept thinking, please keep this film going so that I can learn another new thing from this master of art. 

I was trying to take so many mental notes that I knew would help push me further in my career and maybe help the ones I work with understand that I am every part of my work that I do.  That’s why I spend hours upon hours editing my music and watching videos to see what is out there and why I breathe my teaching the way I do.  It’s why I am spent outside of dancing and don’t have much else to give to other things.

Chris asked me if he was marking the “Beat It” number and I looked and him and said, “Yes.”  But once we got in the car I exploded with all the information I had just witnessed and was holding in.  MJ (as some so lovingly called him in the film, which made me just grin like a little school girl, because though they approache him like a man, there was always this air of how great he was and that they felt it and were thanking him for it) can mark his movement and yet somehow if that’s all he gave his audiences most of them would never have been the wiser, because his whole body is rolling and hitting and flowing through angles and you are so mesmerized that you look past the fact that he just did his famous moon walk without even moving an inch across the stage. 

He would sing beautifully and then apologize for “saving his voice.”  And I was just pouring admiration out of my seat as I wished he knew how truly spectacular he was. 

When working with his band and dancers he was so detail oriented, which I knew, because Chris Judd had talked about the smallest hand being of the utmost importance when they were cleaning choreography one dancer on stage at a time and how he would know every mistake they made and let them know.  When he addresses mishaps he does so strongly, but without attacking.  He states it and the ones around him accept it without getting defensive, which I think a lot of people in the business I’m in have trouble grasping the concept of. 

He’s always saying, “God Bless you” as they work to fix their mistakes and he said something that I was like, Amen to every time… “That’s why we rehearse…” simple yet it embodies why we go to the studio and make a million mistakes and go over and drill what we are doing, because there is no way to perfect anything without wanting to and then going through with the detailed work of making the whole better.

He made me want to try and speak through a kinder and quieter voice when dealing with mistakes and the people I work with.  He was so soft spoken and people listened, that’s hard to find-people who get it, but I want to work to change that in myself as a teacher.  And to see if I can continue to inspire in that way.  It’s an internal energy he gives those around him and he never has to talk very loud.  I’m very outwardly energetic with my voice when I’m teaching and it’s exhausting.  I do think that being quite or loud takes its toll on someone more on a personal level… but it may save my voice from leaving so often. : ) I’ll be interested to explore this further in a bit when I’ve experienced both ways of approaching vocal work when I’m teaching.

The routines and songs were all brought up to a higher level, perfecting and pushing past the boundaries they had already made and the time and money spent on the videos for the screens was easily visible with the quality of the short films that were produced.

The dancing was fierce.  The dancers lived every movement as if they wanted to show the gifts they had been given within every second they were on his stage.  These are the type of people I want to be surrounded by.  I’m so far behind them it’s not even worth talking about.  Except that I know now I’ve reached my weight goal and still need to drop 10 pounds and become rock sturdy, and that I really do need to keep nurturing my art first and my students art second.  I feel the performers passions, because I know I’m that passionate too.  Now I just need to make it happen, because really, This is It.  Everyone can tell me they think I have that one special unknown thing, and I can have a many a haters that try to bring me down because of where I am, but it’s all nothing compared to what I actually do.. to get myself where I know I belong.  This movie made me wiggle in my seat with excitement for my craft and I need to work everyday to pursue my path within this art. 

After all of that… it was amazing to see him smile, to see what he found amusing and to see him laugh and giggle.  He was real, even though I now realize I had never been able to grasp the concept of who he was before… he had seemed other worldly.  In reality he knew what he wanted and he made sure that he and all that surrounded him were working to get it.  He was a possionate man who wanted to unite the love.

I’m dedicating a dance this year to him titled: “This One’s For You” and I now know that I’m on the right path, but that I need to tighten every last drop until I’ve sweated the most moisture I can.  He deserves that from me.  I’m so in awe still and I want al the quotes from the movie so that I can learn from them and pass them on.

Thank you Michael εϊз